Things I want to do before 2019 ends:
- Start a thinkers club with friends
- Fix up my apartment
- Join a new community
- Find a new weekly sport
And how do I feel these days? Weirdly good. That's the answer I would give.
I met a girl that really captured me. I am in good shape. I have interesting challenges at work. But overall my mind feels cloudy and changing.
Something I can't define is teasing my mind. I think it has for some time now... It makes me feel a tad nervous. Like I am missing something important and I just can't see it. I will try to describe what I can:
It has to do with the future. It has to do with choice. I have been reading a lot of books and articles about the future recently. And it's like my mind is trying to map them all together and understand something bigger.
Like none of what I read got to the core of what I am seeking but all of them got close and now I have to close the gap myself.
Trying to figure it out makes me feel overwhelmed. That's what happens every time. And then I just stop. It's too much.
I think it involves me discovering the perfect occupation. Something about how to achieve the best community of people around you and do the most meaningful things together in order to achieve a better future but also just to be as fulfilled as you can possibly be as a human.
That makes me question if I am doing all the right things now and surrounded by all the right people. And if not, how do I find them? See this part is super stressful and doesnt lead to anything positive.
The grass is always greener on the other side right?
If I could make only one generalization about my generation and the one after mine (2000 kids) then it would be this grass being greener concept. We are haunted by it. Some more than others. It's a blessing and a curse...
Anyway, back to that thought in the back of my head.
I think it will get better once I start that "thinkers club" I have been wanting to do for a while. Because then all these thoughts about the future, society, life and so on can be shared and discussed with my friends. It might make everything fall into place again. At least a less chaotic mind would be nice.
Good thing I wrote all this down. I already feel better and less confused. Still no clue what that thing in the back of my head is though.
Maybe it's partly that I am moving into a new phase of my life. Late 20's and all that. Actually nobody talks about how it's super weird to change as a person because of age. It's like the present and future are disagreeing and at some point the future will win because the activities of the present becomes weird. Like going out and drinking all weekend to mention a classic example. The list is long though.